I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We are two peas in an std pod
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
