i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
