am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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