i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
