Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
