State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
