Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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