Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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