Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
