sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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