I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
