Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
