also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
