I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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