i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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