My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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