hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
