So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
