I'm really into asian looking animals
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
