you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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