I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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