Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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