pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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