Swine flu. Run for my life!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
