We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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