this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
