whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
