I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
