I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
