I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
