Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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