Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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