I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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