At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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