i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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