Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
