I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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