I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
