I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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