My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Randomize
