Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
