There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
