Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
