I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
