I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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