I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
