I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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