Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I am available for nakedness
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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