It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
