Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
