Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
