I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
